Hello. It’s Belinda.
On the bottom floor – “Hayville” – we liked Christmas a lot.
But the English, on the bedroom level, did NOT.
Christmas means waiting and the English can’t wait.
He wanted gifts now. Christmas Day was too late.
In Hayville we don’t mind a little suspense.
But not him. We could hear his complaints through the vents.
“Christmas is too far away. I can’t wait!
It’s not fair to a rabbit. Too late, late, LATE!
I want gourmet hay! I want treats and toys!”
Day and night it continued, the noise, noise, NOISE.
It all started when my roommate decorated the tree.
And stacked a pile of wrapped gifts underneath for me,
for my boyfriend’s companion and the English too.
Then she said, “Stay away from here, Belinda-Lou.”
She told the others as well. “This is your only warning.
No touching these presents until Christmas morning.”
The English nodded but he crossed his toes.
“Things happen,” he thought. “We’ll have to see how it goes.”
A few nights later, I was flopped in the pen
and my boyfriend’s companion was roaming loose when
we heard a sound upstairs, a soft metal clinking
from the part of the house where the tree stood, blinking.
The English! We thought it was safe to assume
he was moving the fence that was blocking that room.
We knew what that meant. We know how he cheats.
He’d steal all our toys and our treats, treats, TREATS!
Then suddenly, like climbing out of a deep canyon,
One by one, up the steps hopped my boyfriend’s companion.
When she saw the ripped wrapping, it didn’t take long
Before she was telling him off with a song:
“You’re a mean one, English Spot.
You think that’s yours – it’s not!
You’re as sneaky as a spider.
You’re the fly that I have caught.
You’re the kind of romaine that should never be bought.
You make me queasy, English Spot.
I’m dizzy, weak and hot.
You’re a tasteless stub of straw.
You’re a splinter in my paw.
The three words that describe you best are Breaks. The. Law.”
There were no more verses. My roommate’s big feet
were crossing the ceiling. Now my night was complete.
I thought I’d hear scolding. “Rude behavior! Rude bunny!”
But instead I heard laughing like the whole thing was funny.
“HA HA HA!” laughed my roommate. “Did you unwrap a toy?”
Seems the boxes were empty. Wrapped for show. A slick ploy.
“I wasn’t born yesterday. I know you’re impatient.
The gifts are in storage with Belinda’s agent.”
So today, down in Hayville, we’re relaxed as we rhyme.
Christmas will come and it will be right on time.
Spokesrabbit, Small Pet Select