Hello. It’s Belinda.
I was in a deep sleep the other night, dreaming about oat hay, when something woke me.
At first I thought it was the water heater. You hear all kinds of noises when you sleep on the bottom level.
My roommate says the creaks and groans are “just the house settling” but come on. This has been going on for years. If the house is sinking into the ground at this rate, we would be in a burrow by now. Nothing wrong with that except for the Wi-Fi signal.
Anyway I was suddenly wide awake in the dark when I heard my boyfriend’s companion. Muttering in her pen.
“The pipes are calling.”
I thought she meant the water heater. But then she said it.
“O Danny boy! O, Danny boy.”
This went on for the rest of the night. I would nod off and next thing you know I hear her mumbling. “From glen to glen, and down the mountain side.”
This is all because of my roommate. She started getting in the mood for St. Patrick’s Day about a week ago. Walking around the house singing.
“When Irish Eyes are Smiling”
“Molly Malone”
“Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral”
She only sings one or two lines. Then she gets distracted and stops. Then sings the same words again.
I ignore it. If it makes her happy, that’s fine. “Innocent fun.”
What gets me in the holiday mood is Leprechaun Edition Healthy Snackers. Have you tried them? Cilantro pear.
Ever since my roommate accidentally spilled a bag all over the floor I can’t stop thinking about those snackers. It’s hard to focus on my work, if you want to know the truth.
She picked most of them up but it was dark and she missed a few. And that’s the problem. I spent the next day foraging instead of working. I found three but I know there are more. I heard them land.
For example, one slid under the dryer. I can see it but I can’t reach it.
You might wonder why I’m so worked up about this when I get healthy snackers every day. Not to brag but it’s part of my job. “Quality control.”
But these cilantro pear treats are limited edition. Once they’re gone I have to wait an entire year.
I’m not sure my roommate understands this so I kept trying to drop hints.
One afternoon she was washing out our water bowls in the utility sink. I walked to the dryer and thumped. I pushed my toe underneath a little. I could almost touch the snacker.
She didn’t notice. Too busy trying to hit the high notes in “The Fields of Athenry.”
But when she put the bowl back into the pen on the other side of the room, I got a big idea.
“There’s my little leprechaun!”
My roommate picked up my boyfriend’s companion and gave her a quick once-over. If you didn’t know any better you would think they were just clicking teeth together and having a quick hug.
But my roommate checks for lumps and bumps. Shoulders, hips, you name it. Pulls out loose fur too.
She’s so sneaky and fast my boyfriend’s companion doesn’t realize she’s being groomed.
But as I watched I thought two can play at this game, if you know what I mean. Being a sneak.
After my roommate walked back upstairs, I asked my boyfriend’s companion for a favor. I promised that if it worked as planned I would “share the proceeds.” Which I learned from Napoleon Hill’s money book.
She agreed. And so we waited.
That evening, when my roommate brought our dinner salads, she walked right into a trap.
My boyfriend’s companion ignored the salad. Instead she stared at my roommate.
“What’s wrong?”
Staring. My roommate moved around the room, tidying this and that. But when she looked back toward the pen, nothing had changed.
The leprechaun was still staring.
“You poor baby. Would you like a treat?”
Bingo. My roommate took a bag from the shelf and placed a healthy snacker on the salad.
But it was not cilantro pear.
So my boyfriend’s companion kept staring and my roommate kept offering new flavors. Pear blueberry. Apple. Flower power mini-cookies.
Meanwhile my mouth was full of endive and I was trying to look at anything except that pile of treats.
“Oh! I bet you want the St. Patrick’s Day snackers. Hang on.”
She walked upstairs and returned with three bags. All three had the leprechaun label.
She gave one cilantro pear healthy snacker to my boyfriend’s companion and two to me. I tried to act casual but you can imagine what was going through my mind.
My boyfriend’s companion and I didn’t look at each other until the coast was clear. We didn’t dare.
Once we heard footsteps on the ceiling I glanced over. She was trying to open her mouth wide enough to fit three snackers at once. My part of the loot.
She dropped them through the bars of her pen. I thought about adding them to my stash but that seemed greedy.
So instead, we shared the pile. Ate them all that night. Basically had an early St. Patrick’s Day party.
My roommate goes on and on about the “Luck of the Irish.”
Sometimes you have to make your own luck.
Sincerely,
Belinda,
Spokesrabbit, Small Pet Select
