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Belinda Says Hay: “Virtual Belinda”

Virtual Belinda

Hello. It’s Belinda.

My roommate is feeling better. I knew she was on the mend when she started teasing me about Virtual Midwest BunFest.

Have you heard of it? When the organizers at Ohio House Rabbit Rescue cancelled the “3D” event in Columbus, they moved the whole thing online. It runs until Saturday, November 10.

Small Pet Select is one of the sponsors so I’m on spokesrabbit duty. The problem is I wasn’t sure how to “attend” a virtual event. My agent didn’t send me a login or password.

And I really didn’t have time to do the research. That’s because I’ve been gearing up for Daylight Saving Time.

This time we set the clocks “back.” My roommate says we get an extra hour.

Now I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about all of this “moving time around” nonsense. I’m not a fan.

But I decided I won’t let it get to me. Just move my naps an hour ahead every day. Bingo.

Get myself worn out so the time change isn’t a shock.

Well in the middle of all that my roommate saw me trying to hack into the Virtual BunFest page. Mostly I was just staring at the screen and hitting refresh every two minutes.

She came back downstairs an hour later and I was still looking at it and fretting.

“It’s probably like the Matrix, Belinda. Maybe you’re actually already inside the event.”

I just ignored her. I was getting sleepy anyhow.

She was pulling towels out of the dryer and tennis balls. Banging the door.

“Hey I know—maybe the tech team will convert you to pixels! Then you’ll be a virtual Belinda and you can do whatever you want.”

Nothing but horseradish while I’m trying to work.  

And when I’m nodding off it’s worse. It’s the wrong time to think about the tech team watching every move I make. Don’t need their “hocus pocus.” Turning me into pixels.

If only my agent would send me the password or the code to Virtual BunFest. Maybe it’s inside the screen, dripping from top to bottom. Green blinking numbers and letters.    

I’m perfectly capable of finding my way. I wonder if Josh from the warehouse is there. Working at the booth but real Josh not pixel-Josh.

He’ll sneak healthy snackers to me like last year. Pear blueberry and strawberry rose.

“B’linda. Do you want the red snacker or the blue snacker?”

To tell you the truth I want both.

“You take the pear blueberry, you wake up on your sleeping rug and b’lieve whatever you want to b’lieve.

“You take the strawberry rose, you stay in Wonderland and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: All I'm offering is a snacker.”

J. is behaving oddly. That’s all I want to say for now until I can run it past my agent. “Confidentially.”

Speaking of, my agent is here at Virtual BunFest too but it looks like the warehouse. Full of hay and meadow balls.

“Belinda I’m glad you’re finally here.” She’s wearing rectangle sunglasses even though we’re indoors.

“We have to ship out these toys and I mean yesterday.”

She reaches down inside a large bin and pulls out an armful of meadow balls.   

I can’t find the right shipping box but she tosses them to me, two and three at a time. I can’t catch them but she’s not paying attention. Throwing five and six at a time.   

I've always wanted to work at the warehouse but not under these conditions. I like a slower pace.

And so my agent threw a meadow ball to me in slow motion and all the balls in the air slowed and then they stopped and waited.

And I thought whoa.

They dropped straight to the ground and it sounded like metal.

My roommate slammed the dryer door.

I opened my eyes. The room was dark.

That was two days ago.

And I’m still not sure if I should claim my shift at Virtual BunFest on my time sheet.



Spokesrabbit, Small Pet Select

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