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Belinda Says Hay: “What the HR Letter Said”

Belinda Says Hay "What the HR Letter Said"

Hello. It’s Belinda.

My notary came back from the islands and I think he was annoyed about all the messages I left for him. It’s not my fault I was impatient. But then he read the letter I received from HR.

The thing about notaries is it’s hard to shock them. They’ve seen it all, if you know what I mean.

But I guarantee he’s never seen a “counseling memorandum” addressed to a spokesrabbit.

He said he needed a week to review it. Also wanted to send it to a “friend of a friend.” Some sort of specialist.

So for now I am not responding to HR and just pretending everything is normal. Which is not easy, for obvious reasons. Afraid everything I do will be twisted around.

Also still trying to "digest" the big secret about my roommate.

My agent told me not to take the letter personally. Said it’s only business and that HR had to send that to me because of regulations. I said I respectfully disagree, which is a phrase I learned from my Dale Carnegie book. Because I think this whole thing is just payback.

She asked me what I meant but I changed the subject to healthy snackers and pine cones. I know where  I stand. And when they get a letter from my notary we’ll see who takes it personally.

I probably shouldn’t do this but I’m already in trouble so I hope you will help me with something.

Take a quick glance at the HR letter below. And you tell me.

If you were having a productive day at work and this landed on your desk, what would you think. “Just business” or “payback?”

To:

Belinda the Spokesrabbit, Small Pet Select

PO Box 92664, Pittsburgh, PA 15218

From:

Jessica Sullivan, HR Manager  

Date:

January 23, 2019

Subject:

Counseling Memorandum

The purpose of this memo is to document the issues brought to our attention in your blog posts on January 6, 2019, and January 18, 2019.

Unacceptable conduct on January 6, 2019:

In this excerpt from your blog, you violated HIPAA laws by discussing your boyfriend’s companion’s bladder issues. I have provided the prohibited messaging below for your reference:

“… due to my boyfriend’s companion having certain 'issues' with her bladder. I don’t want to write any more because of HIPAA laws. But I think you know where I’m going with this description of her problem and it’s not to the litter box.

I will probably get a note from HR about this. 'TMI.' But my boyfriend’s companion can’t help if it her bladder needs an update like those living rooms on HGTV…”

If you are unfamiliar, The Privacy Rule (45 CFR Part 160 and Subparts A and E of Part 164) provides the first comprehensive Federal protection for the privacy of health information. You can find more information here: https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/index.html .

Unacceptable conduct on January 18, 2019:

In this excerpt from your blog, you bragged about trying to trip your roommate, who is another Small Pet Select employee. It is up to your roommate if she wants to file a police report, but you violated the following company standards:

Follow and abide by all safety guidelines. At all times, be aware of your surroundings and minimize unnecessary distractions

Employees will respect each other’s time, space, and need for concentration.

Live the company values of Trust, Respect, Understanding, Creditability, Kindness, and Humor.

The blog excerpt mentioned above is listed below for your reference:

“… I know I shouldn’t admit this. And I’m not sure if I was technically at work yet when this happened.

But as she stepped onto the second and third steps, I tried to push her feet. So she would stop walking.

‘Belinda! Are you trying to trip me?’

I ran ahead of her, trying to think of a way to distract her. But by the time she got to the bottom step, I knew it was ‘game over.’ …”

Below are the recommended action steps to improve your performance in each area listed above:

1. Refrain from discussing/gossiping about a colleague’s health issues at any time

2. Prepare and present an employee webinar on one of the following topics: a) Privacy and confidentiality; b) Workplace safety or c) Anger management

You may not delegate or subcontract the webinar project. If there is anything that I can do to assist you in making the necessary behavioral improvements, please let me know.


Well that’s it. That's the letter.

Plus there’s a line where I'm supposed to sign but I am doing no such thing until I hear back from my notary and the friend of a friend.

If your mouth is hanging open about the roommate “gotcha” all I can say is join the club.

Like I said. This is all payback.

Sincerely,

Belinda,

Spokesrabbit, Small Pet Select

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